About Affiliations

I have many affiliations but since technology has hijacked many of our real life social sensibilities, I have been thinking a lot about what affiliations mean in the age of social media.  First of course some definitions to undergird my thoughtful ruminations.

af·fil·i·ate (ə-fĭl′ē-āt′)

v. af·fil·i·at·ed, af·fil·i·at·ing, af·fil·i·ates

v.tr.

1. To adopt or accept as a member, subordinate associate, or branch

2. To associate (oneself) as a subordinate, subsidiary, employee, or member

v.intr. To become closely connected or associated

1.affiliation - a social or business relationship

2. the act of becoming formally connected or joined 

3. the act of consorting with or joining with others 

There are some things about affiliations that I felt moved to discuss as this thought literally  came to me one morning before going to church a few months back. Now, this post may strike some chords good and bad. If it strikes the bad ones here is the disclaimer: if you are the emo, self-appropriating "this is offensive, let me defend all extra-sensitive Innanet trolls with a comment about this being elitist, snide, snobby, etc." please get your bowl of Innanet Wheaties  - and eat a hearty portion of said Wheaties.

Now that that has been addressed - let me say that I am affiliated with at least 4-5 different groups, and that is a minimum. First, my observations about affiliations now are heavily influenced by the fact that I am Greek, became so in undergrad, and have been seeing many of the things around affiliations now, and on social media, reflect Greek life in many ways. About affiliations...let me explain.

When I became Greek, I did it out of a desire to join the organization full of women who were real, honest, and sisterly. As an only child, with not too many female friends I trusted, it seemed a genuine affiliation to seek out. My approach to Greek membership however, revealed the first major thing about affiliations and people.

I. The Popularity Prize

I was already poppin' before I became Greek. Membership was a bonus in my scholarly and personal development. The thing about affiliations though is that for some people that's ALL they have. That's how they make friends, that's how they came/come up, that's how they get shine, that's how they get girls/guys, that's how they get a full social calendar, that's how they accomplish goals and often unarticulated, unrealized hopes (sometimes from childhood). The affiliation becomes a platform to POPULARITY and assumed importance within the confines of that space.

Now this can be good because it can yield allegiance of the unrivaled sort to said affiliation (everybody knows the die-hard cheerleaders or mascots of a group chat, Facebook group, and/or organization). Shoot when I first became Greek I wore my colors a lot. So I'm not hating on reppin'.

But - I've often seen the popularity prize derail affiliations internally because of the imbalance it causes. In the very psychological nature of popularity some are in and some are out. There is a presumed and very real judge and jury Salem Witch Trial band of delegates about how it plays out in very public (namely social media) spaces. 

Within social media (and most all) affiliations the Popularity Prize looks like:

a) condescension: someone thinking they are that affiliation's police and can judge, look down on, question, or ridicule others for their curiosity, opinion or decisions

b) in-crowding & ousting: being at the forefront of a bandwagon that collects unwavering disciples because of the (unspoken) desire to be popular by association, within an affiliation (subordinate is all in the definition - but so not me, or cute).  You can be driving the bandwagon or trying to get in - either way if you observe you'll see which one it is and for whom.

Ever been part of a group and notice messages and questions from certain people go unanswered while the same question posed by a popular one gets way more traction. Yeah. That's partially that. Popularity means paying attention more to some than others...

As someone who is content flying her own kite of life, I just don't have time for it.  I promise you (and your clique) are NOT cooler than me. I find the popularity prize in affiliations soooo...pedestrian. 

II. Expectations

This is kind of a subcategory but not. For those with the Popularity crown, the expectations that other members prescribe to the norms set forth by the popular one(s) does happen. Think about the "Let's go, *snap*" that happens in Mean Girls and virtually every other ring-leader esque movie scene. It's amazing how much of that culture has seeped into social media. 

On the other hand, in affiliations, there are sometimes unrealistic expectations of joining, becoming a member, or becoming a subordinate.  Each has its own issues - but this is where impatience, frustration, and dissatisfaction can breed contempt (much like in life).  I think now would be a good place to share what I think are decent expectations to have since a lot of of these basic principles seem to be evading a good lot of people *bows head down in silent prayers to Jesus, Joseph & Mary*

a) respect & manners: in the words of POTUS "Now if folks wanna pop off and have opinions about what they think they would do, present a specific plan." See I didn't even cut off Obama's words LAWD cuz he right! 

There is a respectful way to differ in opinion, share information with those who do not know, and address people.  There should be an expectation, even when subordinate, that these things are present in ANY space - and that there is patience when first joining an affiliation.  

b) patience: everyone doesn't know the ropes in the beginning. EVERYONE at some point in their lives was a beginner at or a newbie at something. Be kind. Nope, f -it, that's a foreign concept to some folks. Just be respectful and have some damn manners when issues dealing with newness, question-asking, and lack of understanding arise. 

I actually appreciate my Greekdom for this, I was taught the ropes by my sisters before entering the lion's den of interactions - but some of these groups fall into the hype of the confinement. In the real world you might just get wrecked talking like that.  Every space doesn't have basic training, and some of the ones that do don't prepare you for what really happens in the spaces being entered.

A good rule of thumb is, if you wouldn't do/say it at work/to a colleague - you don't bring that into any other space. I expect maturity at the end of the day and learning how to edit, revise, and censor BEFORE popping off is needed more these days.

III. Elitism

Being Greek some of the strongest affiliations I am a part of outside of that, seek to mimic significant parts of our tradition. I think one of the best unarticulated benefits (and comical because you can spot it) of being part of a Historically Black organization is that you are guaranteed to find people in other spheres that WANTED TO BE DOWN. 

Now, I say this because I'm an astute observer...I think I should have been a Sociologist actually but I'm sure there's a study on this...There's nothing wrong with it, but for me not all affiliations need the air of exclusivity they purport. 

This is something that comes more from the members within an affiliation feeling like they have something so great they want to:

a) shut people out of it

b) build a pedestal with a ladder where they can climb up, and view those are not affiliates from their perch

c) clown others who are not a part of it

d) create rituals, symbols, calls, or barriers of entry because you think this affiliation is the next order of illuminati secrecy worth all that

I am Greek, and there are things that most people will NEVER know. However, I always seek to promote, educate, and enlighten people regarding all of the affiliations I am a part of because I am proud and we do great things. Great people know great people (I hope) so why not share some knowledge instead of finding another way to try and be ABOVE another person?

Newsflash: all that exclusivity don't make you hot and there's no allure in your affiliation coming off  like an asshole. What is truly elite remains such regardless of how often it is imitated or referenced in knock-off fashion. Just ask all the "Ivy's of the..." bruh...{Quaker for life ;-)}

Affiliation Absolver

There are so many wonderful things about being an affiliate and part of an affiliation. The networking opportunities, new friends, new experiences, a community. Yet, in many of the spaces I move in I have these wonderful examples tainted by my observation of the things I noted above.  Communities may have their issues, but if awareness helps minimize issues spurred by by ego, pride, misplaced microagressions, and insecurity then I'm all for it.  

As an advocate for fulfilling affiliations, peaceful-prosperous-meaningful memberships, and a person who tries to be as empathetic as possible - I think this post can hopefully make affiliated spaces online and in real life better places. Now go forth, and affiliate in PEACE, or at least mute that shit in public.

The Black Modern Identity Crisis: Because it's not REALLY about Pattie's Pies or #PrayforFrance

On a vacation celebrating my 30th birthday abroad, I don't often (if ever) keep up with the news at home while I am away. It is a depressing thing and I go away be away from life as I know and live it. However, through my cursory scrolls after posting my photo updates and such, I noticed the newest social media sensation about a young man singing about pies. I did not investigate further because I was off from my American life...but I knew what would follow, because there are patterns to social media.
 

I woke up out of blurry eyed sleep to a barrage of "bzzzz; bzzzz; bzzz." And one FaceTime call. I answered the second in a pitch black dorm room, still trying to finish replying to all the messages asking if I was okay. I left Paris earlier that Friday morning. The attacks happened the same night that I was now fast asleep in Switzerland having spoken to my mother and aunt before going to bed. I serve an amazing God, and the outpouring of love and concern for me was a blessing in and of itself. Still I knew what would follow, because there are patterns to social media.
 

Saturday morning, Facebook asked me if I wanted to change my profile picture in solidarity with France. Considering I spent my 30th birthday, and the days before and after, walking miles around the city, posting my vantages of a place I've long known to be one of my favorites, and sharing how beautiful it was - I considered my solidarity, even considering the tragedy - done. I am blessed to have made it, but my constant travel in a world as unstable as ours is solidarity with everyone who lives and does not let fear rule; and I don't need a flag over my profile to prove that.
Of course, with so many profile pictures changed to France's flag overlaid multiple selfies, coupled photos, and a hodgepodge of seemingly comfortable 1st world people's profile pictures set off yet another series of what I am now calling: SMBs (Social Media Bickerings) between Black folk.
 

"I didn't see Facebook asking anyone to change their flags to Kenya after the student massacre in April."

"All of yall #prayingforParis weren't praying for Kenya"

"What about Lebanon?? Where's the coverage for that??"

Patti's pies also sold $2.3 Million that weekend before the attack, so because that was another thing for Black people, I decided it was time for me to put forth what I now know is the Black Modern identity (BMID) crisis.
 

We as Black people are living in a time when our value is consistently denigrated in virtually every facet of life - except (and you know what two things I'm going to say next... right?)...
 

Sports and entertainment. Even in those fields punishment is doled out differently for our kind than others (Brady vs Vick come to mind?). We as Blacks dominate all that is deficient: the achievement gap, the prison industrial complex, the wealth and income gap, high school graduation rates - you name the "not doing well" list and there we are hugging the bottom like the curvature of a spoon.
 

There is no REAL justice for us when our brothers and sisters get murdered without any reason and then smeared in the public media. I mean the police can kill you and months later you it comes out that you are the son of an illiterate heroin addict. But it was removed, right? The television shows promote to the latchkey kids (and those without strict media supervision) that having 100K followers on IG will get you a show; being a video vixen turned basketball/football girlfriend or ex-girlfriend is the come up; and the artists don't love themselves enough to simply live in the beauty God gave them without a knife, an injection, a shot or some "enhancements". There is no Black family outside of the newly created Blackish (thank God for that) a instead we have baby mamas, baby daddies, and side chicks glorifying their statuses as if marriage means nothing. Bitch, Ho and Nigga are the lingual currencies used predominantly to refer to one another in our popular culture. No one really wants love, but everyone is very willing, and able to f**k (just don't catch no feelings, and remember hoes ain't loyal!). If music wasn't popularly disseminated, or a low-key subliminal messaging tool it would just be music. Nonetheless my point is - ratchet is winning, and that is hard to dispute given these facts for our people.
 

Thus, the BMID crisis has pit the concerned conscious Black Americans against the socialized, popular culture du jour-loving lowest common denominator majority of Black Americans. Those who know the real history of our ancestry - that we are descendants of kings and queens whose wealth was world renown (the wealthiest man in HISTORY TO DATE was Mansa Musa). That we had spirituality that provided power in its practice and that it's NOT bad, satanic, or whatever other label religions like Voodun get. That Europeans appropriated the inventions of colored people the world over and said they "invented" it. These people who know these things and more ..or less (because I've seen a few tiffs against "Hotep" negroes who get some "facts" wrong) are the concerned conscious. The concerned conscious seem to be shocked, annoyed, angry, flabbergasted when those of the lowest common denominator do something like change their profile picture to France's flag.
 

Now, I watch these SMBs happening and I think they're comical for a few reasons. First of all, we just can't get it together in a public online space - and do some good. Even the posting of another country's flag is a source of DIVISION predominantly amongst people who on any given day can all be smoked by the cops for no good reason.
 

Secondly, I don't know if anyone who partakes in SMBs realizes but posting anyone's flag doesn't DO anything. That flag doesn't send money to anyone, that flag post doesn't create consciousness by visual osmosis, and it barely gets people to read about the inherent causes of these conflicts we find ourselves living through.
 

Third, I think the inherent flip-flopping of allegiance is the true source of the BMID crisis. We can't unify over ANYTHING and even the younger generation of students has internalized this fractitious divisive problem. We've been called African-American but there are those who deny having any ties to the Motherland. I read a comment on a friend's wall and a gentleman dark as night said "I'm not African. I can't really claim that." Now, I did some reading (because it's fundamental to things like this) and during the Civil Rights Movement there was a separatist disassociation with Africa - before folks started rocking Dashikis. At the highest levels, leaders made it known that we black people are AMERICAN as everyone else who was here. So a significant part of the crisis is are we pledging allegiance across the ocean to all matters of Black with our flag posts and calls for news awareness on the continent? Or when we say Black Lives Matter are we only talking about young men gunned down by police? Because there is a BIG difference.
 

I digressed a bit up there, but I'm back. SMBs...what do SMBs really accomplish in the end? They are passive aggressive, microagressions between the Black folk who feel/think/display ON MEDIA that our allegiance should be to people of color in crisis everywhere in the world - but especially the Motherland against and between the Black folk who simply feel/think/display allegiance ON MEDIA to whatever comes up on the feed because it's here, it's live, they care in some way, and its popular.
The BMID crisis that exists in and of itself is two parts shallow and one part extra deep. Like deepest Brazillian Remy Weave deep. It's two parts shallow because black people bicker on media about EVERYTHING. Shit. It's embarrassing to only see black folk come together for Thanksgiving Clapback memes (yes they were hilarious), Pope bars (those are funny too) and Black Twitter rants. However, none of this equates to our part of the Lowest common denominator Blacks spending a large part of that $2.6 Mill on pies because someone became a viral sensation singing about them. 

And I'm sure he could saannggg honey, but I can't say I care that much.
 

Not when black nonprofits shut down and can't serve our own kids because we DON'T donate to OUR causes. Not when Black Twitter can't rally the Millions in the coffers of its following to set up FOUNDATIONS that serve US. See, there's levels to everything - even consciousness. And if you noticed I called the crisis as existing between the concerned conscious and lowest common denominator...
 

As an observer to this BMID crisis, and as an active player in the change I want to see, what my own consciousness is telling me is that despite the structural racism that we are living in, we are headed to extinction. If we continue to let the external weights of structure and history bear down on our living, breathing present we are done for. Because I hate to break it to you, but Black folk as a collective can't get past how people SHOULD view us - even when we act a fool in public...and I mean the "public" noted above at length. We live a white supremacist society. That will never change. We are NOT the majority in population. There are rules to that game then and I'll break that down another time in another post. But the importance of coming together and doing the RIGHT thing (because there is right in a societal spectrum) is how you first enter the game as a player. Right now, and for a long time now we've been on the sidelines - asking, begging but not really doing much to get subbed in.
 

When Spirit Airlines is talking about "Bye, Felicia" in an ad and spinning our culture for dollars and we're not doing that (making our own $$ of our own terms) we're losing.
 

Regardless of who's flag you're posting.
 

When Black folk are mad about appropriation but not ensuring our REAL culture is valued in our own communities (READ: HBCUs, scholarships, theaters, artists) with OUR investments - or ensuring assets that mean something to us don't get sold to the next highest (White, Jewish, Italian, European, Asian) developer we're losing.
 

When Black folk love to change their profile photos to some flags to "stand in solidarity" with Africa, but don't adopt a baby in these countries, spend their travel dollars in any of the countries there - or even have a desire to go, learn them some history (past, present, or future) of an African country, invest, or even promote the cultural products of said place it's still nothing but visual service.
But the BMID crisis pits us against each other along trivial lines that still evade the facts. We have to come together and DO some shit. We need to be up in arms about ALL injustice on black bodies, regardless of who the perpatrators are (because in society's spectrum of right you gotta get your own house in order before you go throwing stones in another's - and that's one argument that gets thrown in the faces of black folk and the movement now). We need to call out the music industry for poisoning the minds of the youth who think it's normal to call a woman or a man out their name because that's all you hear now.
 

See, the choices (and opinions) that people are mad, annoyed, aggravated about mean absolutely NOTHING given the context of where WE are right now. These choices also reflect the lack of power black folk think they have. We have never been powerless, but white supremacy just knew how easy it was to destroy the community we so easily have for trivial nonsense but not for what matters.
Do you laugh at memes and partake in online hijinks of course. Just because one is conscious doesn't mean you can't be entertained (I've seen those posts too). However, the time is upon us to coalesce and use the power we keep wasting. Power is wasted on bickering in public spaces, on using our economic clout for nonsense given the weight of our plight and we need to FOCUS collectively.
Now before I read comments about "this opinion is part of the problem" Hol up, and wayaminute... If the truth can't be spoken that too is a problem. This is not shaming. This is pointing out realities that exist and we can't keep living like the Walking Dead. Walkers only respond to sound, if you are only responding to the sound of critique and critical analysis then you my friend are already walking dead.
Every person knows someone who is working on something for our kids, for our legacy to survive out here. SHARE THAT. At least once a week. I am a part of groups that have raised weighty sums for things...some noble things too. But without fail it's like when you mention a good cause to most black folk it just glazes over in the same space where people be so ready to pop off on the dumbest shit.
 

Just had to insert that because the innanets have people in their feelings...In the BMID crisis between the concerned conscious and those who are not, the problem inherently is that what does not truly matter has usurped what does for both sides. If you have a great job and you ain't donate to a classmate, you're not on a board of directors, you're just in your cushy life chillin - your number as a black person of privilege is numbered. You will have to fight doubly hard at the rate we are going now for your children to benefit. The old boy network is revoking passes now. Remember the police can get you at any time. You better get you The New Jim Crow and get active in something. If you stuntin for the gram and your bundles cost $200+ next time you get a new one take $20-30 and do something for the kids in your hood, for your own kids, support a sister you know trying to start a business. Your days may already be limited to stunting but God forbid the black side of the justice shaft comes your way you won't be stunting no mo'. And helping means you can contribute to something more than the Asian dude importing your hair. In fact the next time anyone gets the urge to come at a cause someone is posting about, or an opinion that hurts because some core of the message resonates with some aspect of your lifestyle -  LOOK for a black cause to support online - they're every damn where I promise you, on the struggle bus to get to a goal that is easily feasible. Or go to the mirror, look at yourself and question WHY on God's beautiful world you are magnifying an OPINION and in your damn feelings. Because you  clearly have time to troll and share that with the world. If we could spend 1/4 of our time doing this we would see some changes in our community and in ourselves #selfimprovementforall. Or maybe this is too much to ask? 

It always seems like asking for action is too much and that inherently makes me sad. Because for all those protesting on the innanets we could be doing some very powerful things. With our clicks, with our dollars, with our culture...but we could easily remain the walking dead...
 

We need to GET our lives and those of our children. We need to bring it on in. We need to focus. We need to learn. Because as the outside watches us hypocritically deal with each other, we will never be taken seriously enough to even gain an invite the table of the justice we want because we can't even practice it on small levels with each other. We need to GET our lives...because our existence depends on it.