About Affiliations

I have many affiliations but since technology has hijacked many of our real life social sensibilities, I have been thinking a lot about what affiliations mean in the age of social media.  First of course some definitions to undergird my thoughtful ruminations.

af·fil·i·ate (ə-fĭl′ē-āt′)

v. af·fil·i·at·ed, af·fil·i·at·ing, af·fil·i·ates

v.tr.

1. To adopt or accept as a member, subordinate associate, or branch

2. To associate (oneself) as a subordinate, subsidiary, employee, or member

v.intr. To become closely connected or associated

1.affiliation - a social or business relationship

2. the act of becoming formally connected or joined 

3. the act of consorting with or joining with others 

There are some things about affiliations that I felt moved to discuss as this thought literally  came to me one morning before going to church a few months back. Now, this post may strike some chords good and bad. If it strikes the bad ones here is the disclaimer: if you are the emo, self-appropriating "this is offensive, let me defend all extra-sensitive Innanet trolls with a comment about this being elitist, snide, snobby, etc." please get your bowl of Innanet Wheaties  - and eat a hearty portion of said Wheaties.

Now that that has been addressed - let me say that I am affiliated with at least 4-5 different groups, and that is a minimum. First, my observations about affiliations now are heavily influenced by the fact that I am Greek, became so in undergrad, and have been seeing many of the things around affiliations now, and on social media, reflect Greek life in many ways. About affiliations...let me explain.

When I became Greek, I did it out of a desire to join the organization full of women who were real, honest, and sisterly. As an only child, with not too many female friends I trusted, it seemed a genuine affiliation to seek out. My approach to Greek membership however, revealed the first major thing about affiliations and people.

I. The Popularity Prize

I was already poppin' before I became Greek. Membership was a bonus in my scholarly and personal development. The thing about affiliations though is that for some people that's ALL they have. That's how they make friends, that's how they came/come up, that's how they get shine, that's how they get girls/guys, that's how they get a full social calendar, that's how they accomplish goals and often unarticulated, unrealized hopes (sometimes from childhood). The affiliation becomes a platform to POPULARITY and assumed importance within the confines of that space.

Now this can be good because it can yield allegiance of the unrivaled sort to said affiliation (everybody knows the die-hard cheerleaders or mascots of a group chat, Facebook group, and/or organization). Shoot when I first became Greek I wore my colors a lot. So I'm not hating on reppin'.

But - I've often seen the popularity prize derail affiliations internally because of the imbalance it causes. In the very psychological nature of popularity some are in and some are out. There is a presumed and very real judge and jury Salem Witch Trial band of delegates about how it plays out in very public (namely social media) spaces. 

Within social media (and most all) affiliations the Popularity Prize looks like:

a) condescension: someone thinking they are that affiliation's police and can judge, look down on, question, or ridicule others for their curiosity, opinion or decisions

b) in-crowding & ousting: being at the forefront of a bandwagon that collects unwavering disciples because of the (unspoken) desire to be popular by association, within an affiliation (subordinate is all in the definition - but so not me, or cute).  You can be driving the bandwagon or trying to get in - either way if you observe you'll see which one it is and for whom.

Ever been part of a group and notice messages and questions from certain people go unanswered while the same question posed by a popular one gets way more traction. Yeah. That's partially that. Popularity means paying attention more to some than others...

As someone who is content flying her own kite of life, I just don't have time for it.  I promise you (and your clique) are NOT cooler than me. I find the popularity prize in affiliations soooo...pedestrian. 

II. Expectations

This is kind of a subcategory but not. For those with the Popularity crown, the expectations that other members prescribe to the norms set forth by the popular one(s) does happen. Think about the "Let's go, *snap*" that happens in Mean Girls and virtually every other ring-leader esque movie scene. It's amazing how much of that culture has seeped into social media. 

On the other hand, in affiliations, there are sometimes unrealistic expectations of joining, becoming a member, or becoming a subordinate.  Each has its own issues - but this is where impatience, frustration, and dissatisfaction can breed contempt (much like in life).  I think now would be a good place to share what I think are decent expectations to have since a lot of of these basic principles seem to be evading a good lot of people *bows head down in silent prayers to Jesus, Joseph & Mary*

a) respect & manners: in the words of POTUS "Now if folks wanna pop off and have opinions about what they think they would do, present a specific plan." See I didn't even cut off Obama's words LAWD cuz he right! 

There is a respectful way to differ in opinion, share information with those who do not know, and address people.  There should be an expectation, even when subordinate, that these things are present in ANY space - and that there is patience when first joining an affiliation.  

b) patience: everyone doesn't know the ropes in the beginning. EVERYONE at some point in their lives was a beginner at or a newbie at something. Be kind. Nope, f -it, that's a foreign concept to some folks. Just be respectful and have some damn manners when issues dealing with newness, question-asking, and lack of understanding arise. 

I actually appreciate my Greekdom for this, I was taught the ropes by my sisters before entering the lion's den of interactions - but some of these groups fall into the hype of the confinement. In the real world you might just get wrecked talking like that.  Every space doesn't have basic training, and some of the ones that do don't prepare you for what really happens in the spaces being entered.

A good rule of thumb is, if you wouldn't do/say it at work/to a colleague - you don't bring that into any other space. I expect maturity at the end of the day and learning how to edit, revise, and censor BEFORE popping off is needed more these days.

III. Elitism

Being Greek some of the strongest affiliations I am a part of outside of that, seek to mimic significant parts of our tradition. I think one of the best unarticulated benefits (and comical because you can spot it) of being part of a Historically Black organization is that you are guaranteed to find people in other spheres that WANTED TO BE DOWN. 

Now, I say this because I'm an astute observer...I think I should have been a Sociologist actually but I'm sure there's a study on this...There's nothing wrong with it, but for me not all affiliations need the air of exclusivity they purport. 

This is something that comes more from the members within an affiliation feeling like they have something so great they want to:

a) shut people out of it

b) build a pedestal with a ladder where they can climb up, and view those are not affiliates from their perch

c) clown others who are not a part of it

d) create rituals, symbols, calls, or barriers of entry because you think this affiliation is the next order of illuminati secrecy worth all that

I am Greek, and there are things that most people will NEVER know. However, I always seek to promote, educate, and enlighten people regarding all of the affiliations I am a part of because I am proud and we do great things. Great people know great people (I hope) so why not share some knowledge instead of finding another way to try and be ABOVE another person?

Newsflash: all that exclusivity don't make you hot and there's no allure in your affiliation coming off  like an asshole. What is truly elite remains such regardless of how often it is imitated or referenced in knock-off fashion. Just ask all the "Ivy's of the..." bruh...{Quaker for life ;-)}

Affiliation Absolver

There are so many wonderful things about being an affiliate and part of an affiliation. The networking opportunities, new friends, new experiences, a community. Yet, in many of the spaces I move in I have these wonderful examples tainted by my observation of the things I noted above.  Communities may have their issues, but if awareness helps minimize issues spurred by by ego, pride, misplaced microagressions, and insecurity then I'm all for it.  

As an advocate for fulfilling affiliations, peaceful-prosperous-meaningful memberships, and a person who tries to be as empathetic as possible - I think this post can hopefully make affiliated spaces online and in real life better places. Now go forth, and affiliate in PEACE, or at least mute that shit in public.