How You Know

I’ve encountered a string of events that has solved one of the major questions regarding the opposite sex that women, boys, men, girls, puppies and even dogs either ask, think about or encounter in their lives. In the words of Whitney “How Do I Know If He Really Wants Me?” In this case “wants” means liked, is interested in and has some vested interest in you.

So I came upon this discovery after dealing with a motley crew of selfish ass niggas. You know the ones who serve absolutely NO purpose. In case you all are saying “Oh, Anne sounds so bitter right now” man I’ll “take that-take that” as if Diddy was dishing it himself. Because I’m not bitter, just observant. I’m not bitter I’m just tired of the whackness & bitchassness. And what most people call bitter is just a quick deflection tactic to take the steam, validity, and clarity out of what I know is my (and a few other people's) truths. 

But it’s cold out here and how is it that good & great people can’t get the simplest things?

Sometimes I might just want to talk. Especially if I actually pick up the phone and dial. I had Selfish #1 tell me at past 11pm on a work night: “Oh I thought you were coming over.” Whaaaaaa?! Like waaahhh? I almost burst out laughing before I informed him that I had work in the morning and that shit was DEAD. Convo ended very shortly thereafter. Ass (#2) had been in my phone getting options like it was a dealership. Being treated like a Ruth Chris Steakhouse as far as I was concerned. You know top-line treatment complete with “which hairstyle do you want for tonight?” options. I’ve learned that making guys feel special is a talent. Yeah I said it, but I also was wasting that talent expecting a little bit for me in return. WARNING: I live in a judgment-free zone. If you know you’re gonna be judging TDA then you shouldn’t even be reading what follows...

But if you are down to ride, sometimes all you want is what YOU want. It might not be the exact situation you would choose. But it ain’t all lilies, gumdrops, rainbows and dandelions out here. We have needs and just like these asses are out here capitalizing on the “statistics” – does NOT mean I will NOT be trying get mines! So would you believe I didn’t get nary a tongue-down from Ass #2 despite the hair options??! I didn’t even get a BEAR HUG. Damn. That’s cold. He was cut off the next day after a very honest account of what the damn deal REALLY is. And just a note on that, love will make you dumb…but never should you ever spare someone’s feelings if they DON’T spare yours. I was doing a lot of sparing and much to chagrin I’m still waiting for “the come back” so I can respond with the proper curse out that I feel is now due.

Then I get nigga in my phone just all types of cursin?! When I just wanted to SAY what’s up and not actually text since I didnt have time for all of that. The response “Whatever n**ga… I’m f**kin tired of ur f**kin cursin. Later”  I got business to handle. Don’t be all up on my phone with that shit. You need to be about some sunshine, happiness, peace and love up in my area.

So how did all these seemingly insurmountable nigga dealings lead me to the fountain of truth. Well I realized that for a man (and NOT a nigga since it’s not in niggas’ DNA to really do these types of things I surmise) to just do something because YOU would be happy is a big freaking deal. Actions aren’t being performed with the expectation of getting into the draws OR because it was convenient for them and THEY’RE in the mood. Let me repeat that: Actions are NOT being performed with the EXPECTATION of getting into the draws or because it was convenient for them and THEY’RE in the mood. Instead actions are performed because YOU would take pleasure from it or because you ASK (it couldn’t be easier). A phone call, an impromptu non-sexual hang-out, a question that shows you take SOME INTEREST in SOMETHING that you speak of often. 2 out of 3 of those are FREE.99 ladies & gents…There’s a lot of selfish ass niggas out there and I would be remiss if I didn’t add the disclaimer that niggas come in ALL shapes, genders, sizes, and colors  - so just be vigilant and keep your heart 3 stacks until you see actions that SHOW you he/she is into YOU. Even if you don’t agree with some of the statements made here today…::kicks dust with steel-toe boot:: we all can admit that streets are dry these days…

The Great & Now Elusive M.O.S.

I was thinking a few weeks ago that I haven’t had a great – or- even any decent make out sessions in a while. By a while I mean a few years……::kicks dust with steel-toe boot:: streets are dry these days…

One of the greatest tragedies of singleness these days is the critical shortage of intimacy options. For fear that streets are burning, having casual sex has lost a lot of its appeal to me since I really can’t afford to have some one night tryst and consequently end up spending my entire morning or afternoon commuting to the doctor and then to the pharmacy to get some meds. Compounded with the fact that I don’t club like that and eye-candy disappeared approximately back in 2008ish maybe?

But somewhere in the middle of these barren intimacy fields lies the great (and now elusive as all hell) Make-Out Session or M.O.S. There’s something about a great, sporadic, spontaneous M.O.S. that makes you feel like you had an adventure. I LOVE adventures of the random, planned, and spontaneous sort but It’s one of the things (after eye candy) that I miss about being younger. It just felt like stumbling into nice lip-locking wrestles or the just-right tongue-flickering/head tilting ratio were easier to come by. The joys of being young…

You may have just met the eyes alone of your M.O.S. partner, or maybe liquid courage allowed you to be emblazoned in the passion of a great Friday night. No need for last names, no need for details about ANY situation. The ONLY situation at hand is getting a taste of those juicy/plump/firm/red-polished/soft/sexy [insert whatever you look for in kissing partners here] lips and finding the apropos venue to have it out. A great M.O.S.  works those invisible kinks out. The invisible kinks undergird the bullshit du-jour & stress which causes those life-bumps we all hate but can’t avoid. The effort of being proactive and keeping the road paved and kink free creates a smoother ride and for this very reason  – M.O.S.’ are sorely missed in my arsenal of stress-relieving and small adventure/juicy brunch-gossip inducing activities. …I’m just going to pour some liquor for my M.O.S.’ that’s gone…

Damn Distractions

It’s been 5 whole months since I last posted and my sincerest apologies to all those who have craved for the lengthy posts of debauchery, comedy, and craziness that is my life and your entertainment…I’ve missed sharing my stores and in this time I’ve amassed quite some good content for you all on an assorted arrangement of scraps of paper, post its, and phone notes to myself. Quite telling of the life I was living over the past few months.

I must say that I will blame at least 40% of my absence to those damn distractions. I’m about accountability so I can’t say it was all this stuff but it got crazy f’real. As a purveyor of productivity, efficiency, and hard work I fell into the abysmal rabbit hole of distractions that consumed me from almost every angle. The crazy thing was that while being distracted (but never fully detoured) I had to act like everything was alright. I mean the front will always be the cover of your life’s magazine but man when the pages are being worn the cover can start to fade fast. So in an attempt to justify my absence from the That Damn Anne! Blogosphere I’ll give you a synopsis of the past 5 months and the 3 damn distractions that were wearing out my pages and dimming my cover.

#1. Men

You know I always had the observation that no matter how “busy” any of my female friends were/are when it’s story telling time the one common denominator is that some dude comes the hell up. Now I’m not possessive of my friend’s time and I totally get that we can’t offer each other EVERYTHING that we need but in the back of my mind there’s always a little voice that’s like “dang girl WE coulda chilled and had a BETTER time if you were bored.” Well I was guilty of the top distraction for most single ladies: men. I wish I could tell you all that my extended single holiday is over but we all know summer is coming so that wouldn’t be the case here. Instead I was caught up in dealing with dudes who had nothing for me but games of trivial pursuits, almost dead-ends, and worst of all positive energy-zappers. Trivial pursuit men are the ones you hit up for one or maybe 2 things none of which are conversation and good company. Almost dead-ends are men who take you out once, and upon further conversation you realize will not be the next anything – but they may be able to offer you business opportunities and a chance to make money. Positive energy zappers are the guys (and girls apply here too) who you choose to motivate out of the kindness of your heart even though the job isn’t yours to do, they don’t want to be motivated, and they slosh around in the same hot stinky ass mess everyday. I managed to have all 3 thankfully except for the almost dead end, they’re gone after being excommunicated.

#2. Poop in a Cup x 2

“What the hell?” I’m sure you said to yourself with this title but…the life of a TRUE traveler is full of adventures both good & bad. So after returning from a week and half romp as Carmen (this trip was in February to Vietnam & Cambodia) …I was HURT. But didn’t realize it until almost a month out of feeling the pangs and pains of what was diagnosed as an intestinal infection. So I went to my general physician who instructed me to poop in a cup. After making that happen with great difficulty, a referral to a Gastroenterologist, and the conclusion that because my doc “couldn’t see inside” she had no meds for me, I went to the specialist for some relief. He diagnosed me and gave me meds, but then I got the (extremely late) call from my general doc that because THEY gave me the WRONG cup I had to go at it again. Freakin awesome!! So after not being able to eat properly for about 4 weeks, taking meds, losing weight (a small girl’s nightmare!) and STILL feeling weird, I had an endoscopy done and surprise! Your girl TDA has an ulcer too! Great. So I obliged everybody and finally … as in 2 weeks ago, got my appetite back and all is well…but being sick and working like you’re not is annoying as all hell…I’ll spare you the TMI details of that experience.

#3. Life as a Hustler

In the time that I’ve been MIA as TDA, I met with schools and businesses to establish partnerships for my nonprofit, consulted for another client, met with another potential client, networked my behind of, and wrote a ton of papers for college students. Although brokenness refuses to elude me, I was able to discover another revenue stream and hustle that I actually enjoy, meet some really cool folks, and expand my network. All while my cover was dimming no less! It was a rollercoaster ride but such is life.

So I was distracted…but never detoured. Cover was dim, but never put out. “Dass it!!” And now I’m back …healthier, able to eat again (yeesssss), with more crazy stories, content and a new look to boot. I hope you all keep reading, enjoy, share and comment. It’s going to be, as my favorite tranny Maurica would say about her platanos, yuuuicy!