Ann-E is Real, She Don't "Bug" Out

Even though a new year is upon us the n*ggas are still out chere running amok.and even though it happens to the best of us - the n*ggadom MUST be identified and made known as a shared experience.

The start of our story is where many of us have been left. I was a smitten kitten who had been snubbed. Normally this is where the story would end. Since I hadn't given up all the goods I could still walk away with yet another unresolved case of WTF-happened mind-fuckery even though I was hurt. As a smitten kitten, I went hard in the paint and based on the accompanying loin-stirrings that are very elusive to me in general - the method in which I got snubbed had me tighter than a virgin..and sadder than a virgin who loses it to a total asshole. 

"It happens to the best of us" is what my team consoled me with. "It's not you, you did nothing wrong." The one thing I did take solace in is that my team was actually proud of me in the male department (well kinda, but small strides!) I mean I did and have come a long way from actually not even putting n*ggas through the ringer for the sake of the short-term attention but damn. N*ggadom is cold and spares no feelings...especially those of the smitten & sensitive. As I prepared to just kick rocks and chalk it up after being all sad and shit - it hit me as I caught the only visual of the last time I was at ol n*gga's crib. This n*gga who from herein will be referred to as the SKK (smitten-kitten killer) had something that belonged to me.

Now I'm going to make this crystal clear - what he had was something that I plan on using for my nonprofit and it took me time to accumulate these things - over a year and lots of magazines. It wasn't some draws I could buy at Vicky's for $3.99 during the semi-annual sale, or some costume jewelry, or a pencil case, or some make-up. This stuff was in my Gilded Gold UPenn folder. The contents within were not about to take up an extra 20 hours of my life when the SKK couldn't part with 2 minutes of his own to text me back and actually make good on the 3 attempts I made in earnest to reclaim what was rightfully mine.The SKK know good and damn well he ain't and will never be a Quaker - and I take my Penn para to heart.  I wasn't charging my shit to the game. And anyone that knows me, knows I take my time & my business VERY serious. He actually quipped one time "I don't want no problems with Ms. Anne." But in the land of n*ggadom words hold little weight and showing your ass to nice people is how it does down. But I was still cordial in my attempts because that's just how I do.

I thought about the possible routes I could take. I just wanted my folder & its contents and surely I wanted it before the new year so this chapter could end. Since the SKK would never answer the phone - I mean just asking and dealing with his ass like a human being who has fingers and a vocal cord wouldn't work at this point. After being snubbed and not getting any responses to my text messages (which for the record is O-D disrespectful, my #1 pet peeve, and unwarranted) I had to go with the method that I knew would yield the result I needed just to get my shit. 

So all of the above (plus some other egregious n*ggadom that shall remain omitted) and my thought process in parenthesis is what led to this alleged "bugged the f*ck out" that the SKK thought he was accusing me of: (but really was guilty of).

Attempt #1: (a very SPECIFIC request for a nice and quick transaction) Hey, can you let me know a day and time when I can get my folder and I'll come and get that. Thanks. (via Facebook because n*gga I know you seen my message, so you can't bullsh*t you're way w/my stuff forever)

Response #1: "You can get it whenever you want" (the SKK happened to be a year younger than me and I shoulda known confound it! How you reply to something specific w/something vague - games :-/)

Attempt #2 (Part 1): okay I'm going to come today, Sunday at 7pm to pick it up (no n*gga I'm not coming after hours b/c I just want my stuff and I'll be out of your life) ~message seen at 10:42am

Me at 6pm via text (since now an appointment has been established we can revert to the method which yielded no response before) I'm on my way just running a little late (still being polite! Damn She's a nice girl!)

the SKK: "On your way where?....Yikes I'm on my way out of town"

Me (WTF?! Yousa a real n*gga so I'ma try this one more gain) Can you let me know a specific day and time to get this? (I used the word this time so his educated yet n*gga mind could compute) 

the SKK: "I'll ket you know when I'm back" (mind you there was a phone call that he never made good on making so I was already skeptical but would you trust a person like this to f*ck with the postal service on your behalf? Never mind my battles with mail ::rolls eyes::)

Attempt #3: the SKK hit me up, but I was on a date so I replied the following day bright and early with my nicely packaged focus on getting my stuff. The set up was made, the SKK hits me with the curve talking about he has plans and to come after work...I agree (eyes on the prize). It's 5 minutes to quitting time and the SKK is texting with the "pressure" about how he has to dip in 45 minutes.

(REALLY?! It took a lot after a non-answered phone call to just get a damn arrangement in place and a text with MY original plan to get my stuff Guess it sounded "better when he said it". :-/)

Later this evening arrives and the team is already aware that I'm getting my shit. You see the problem when n*ggas meet real is that they don't honor their word and my word is bond. I text before I showed up but since I got no response I went according to the plan. 

It was late - I'll admit that, but karma had it for me that the doors were open :-). So I went in said good evening to the SKK's boy, saw his lady friend's bag, knocked on his door twice, didn't look him in the face and asked for my stuff with my hand out. I bid them ado and left. No scene was caused, no one was checking to see who the SKK was smashing cuz I know I certainly don't care, no yelling ensued, but I did as was PLANNED - and the SKK didn't. 

As long as this post is, a fair amount has been omitted. All those attempts and for what? I have no idea. My logic is if the SKK was gonna snub, snub right and give me what was mine if getting me gone was the goal.  Or is control that hard to come by that you really have to do this with MY belongings and at the expense of a lot more wasting of MY time? You already got some new 'nani so it couldn't possibly be that. Apparently the SKK felt some type of way about it, since he thought he could come out of his face (like most n*ggas) and try to "tell me about myself" when I know he didn't know me well enough to even have a say. 

But because I know what it is, it happen way too often, and because it's important to be clear that I will not let anyone try to place their n*ggadom on me - let this account show that Ann-E is real and I don't "bug the f*ck out." 

Eternally Single Part Deux

So I do this often and those that are close to me hate when I start my story in the middle....in my mind the connections always make sense but not vocalizing any of it until the part I feel is most important is where I fail in the conversational communications department.

I realized that I created an entire post on being single for 6 years now without giving any real preceding background as to how I ended up this way. So Family Feud Time (love that show & can murder the best of them on Wii)

If you've been single for a long time, what is the #1 most annoying question from a man?

……

C’mon guess

….Alright you can probably see it right underneath this line so I’ll tell you:

"Why are you single?"

I hate the idea that ppl think asking that shit is okay. It's almost like the answer should be some slick shit, like "I'm a crazy bitch who holds all men by the balls so they don't wanna be with me" because that would be the reason I would believe a bitch should be single, but alas, that is not I.

I got asked the question so much so that one day I decided on one of my many solo days of introspection to think about what a valid answer could be....so I reached in the recesses of my mind to think back to the last nigga I was “in like” with. And my being in like has multiple stages and variations. Having been alone for a minute it can range from

A school girl crush: the phone rings, you get a message tone and ::smile:: it's him...Yeah that molasses.sticky.sweet….shit.

A rational//irrational attachment to the qualities and similarities you make yourself believe to make this person likeable.

From my own personal Like Files this has run the gamut from –

“I like that he takes charge and is assertive like a man should be” to

“He’s from the East Coast and lives down here too”

to one of the most basic yet overused reasons

*“We had great conversation”

*(which I’ve learned as much as I talk - could happen with a brick wall)

So I thought back to the last crush I actually had and what I thought I had to do to get it to advance from the stages it was in.

So I did what every school girl does when she has a crush. I told my girlfriends I was really digging this dude and asked for help on how to keep him around. See in my history of male-relations I've become Shonuff at attracting the Houdini niggas. Everyone has encountered Houdini(s).

Houdini: a nigga (and for my Lesies a female DOES qualify) that has been communicating with you on a consistent basis using MORE THAN ONE form of communication over a span of time ranging from 3 weeks-2 months (under 3 weeks is charged to the game). You’re all in it, and while expecting hasn’t been something you’ve done the sheer aspect of routine from this bitchass has taken root in your mind. Everything is flowing and then……

Wait for it…..

**POOF**

Suddenly and without major, just cause this nigga disappears.

Off. The. Radar.

Somehow along the way I just ran the ring with Houdinis ::Who’s the mastuh??:: I had at one point a new Houdini when one fell off the map ::Shonuff!!:: It was a decent run and at the ironic thing about it was that it was winter. Now I don't know about TX but winter in NYC is the hardest time to even shack up with a quickie because men are using up all their CB time until the bitches with poom-poom shorts and fat booties come back out in the summer...

Anyhow because I knew my statistics with dudes, I asked my friends for advice so that I wasn't using my own counsel to proceed to fuck it up, as any honest woman can admit.

Now I don't know when the number was settled but 3 months was what we all agreed upon to be how long you have to hold out to get a crush to commit. Only problem was this dude lived in Maryland and I was in BK. I also already had my exit plan to TX by then so it seemed perfect that the universe made it this way right? I mean I was never one to be too sad because in my mind I just knew I was gonna get some regardless but I still tried to claim I wasn't...even when he said he was coming for one day....

Now I think I have to say that I am principled. Even when it comes to sex...that's why being single this long also becomes mind-boggling after a while. This nigga got on a bus and arrived in NYC at about 10pm only to turn around and go back at like 2 pm the next day. Now if I was a dude I would have made sure I got some if I was buying a ticket and doing all that sitting on a bus. So I felt it only right to let him have some. Shiiitttt I wasn't fronting so I gave it up.

Fast forward to my trip to DC, where I managed to get a quickie in a kitchen from said dude and then...Houdini happened. At this point in the game I've recognized the warning signs of Houdinism-in-the-making because they just stop responding...**POOF**

He disappeared...Like most of them do, and the key is without just cause.

Then I came to TX a short while thereafter. At this point I was just intrigued by this number of 3 months that we had decided would work to changing a nigga's mind and get him to up the ante. So I met OKC (he was from Oklahoma City so it seems a fitting name) on July 29th. I only remember because it was this triflin bitch's birthday [another one of my many TX adventures I can relay in some other post] and we went out.

It went how new nigga business always goes...we spoke on the phone damn near every day, and texted in between. I went to NYC and we still were in communication. The funny thing about Houdini's is that distance aint shit...they make it seem like they're in the lane when they probably have already planned the disappearing act the likes of..well…Houdini.

So it was September and we met up...now I knew the number was 3 but I'm not like most and so I pushed it down to 2. Having had all that communication (which honestly started to fall off a little bit anyhow) I – being the principled young lady that I am......did it.

Truth be told, I loathe wasting time probably as equally as I hate starting over. Seriously. 2 months can amount to a whole lot of shit talking about what "can" happen in the bedroom and shiiiitttt my minutes aren't for free so let's see if you could back it up..........

It.

Was………..

Bad.....that waiting (nd the act itself) just left much to be desired. And because he was my only spade in a hand full of clubs, hearts, and diamonds (and really I don't usually rate guys on their first try since it's unknown territory, bodies need acquainting, etc) I did the baseball adage of 3 strikes. The worst part though was that he tried to pull the Houdini on me full throttle. He was out. He was way fuckin out. When he tried to start up communication sporadically I made sure I told his ass his performance was not to my standards. Since I wasn’t guaranteed another opportunity I had to be forthright (again I’m principled).

I got a rare glimpse of this Houdini preparing for his act so... needless to say, I dismissed him (although I'm sure he'll tell his friends otherwise) in Houdini-had-to-be-gone fashion. I don't take kindly to bad bedroom performances (BBPs). My friend actually saw the texts, it was cold, but again I’m not into wasting time.

Then in my update of my favorite blog The Fooler Iniative, she confirmed what me and my girls have long known:

"What I’m not about, is some arbitrary timeline, we adhere ourselves to, with the ultimate goal of achieving some fictitious relationship ideal."

In the movie Inception they say that an idea is the most powerful thing. There is NO way of making anything come out of an idea that isn't there. Truer words were never spoken. Bitches get all types of ideas from niggas that they just run with and vice versa...but one thing I've found is that

NO man is going to WANT to be YOURS if HE DOESN'T WANT TO ::Shonuff!!::

Holding out wont plant the idea in his head...he'll just fuck the next bitch or his slide that he had and YOU too are not getting ANY (unless you have the glorious line up which has eluded me for quite some years).

Sex has destroyed the best ideas...just look what happened to Charlotte when she got engaged to her doctor man and found out the hard way that it wasn't working....I do not like surprises. And aint enough liking in the world that's gonna make me forgive BBP. Besides, truth is it's hard enough finding someone who can vibe with you on multiple levels. Some ppl are just a great adventure in bed....can't hold a conversation worth a damn, don't do shit with their time but you're convinced they come up with ways to make the next-time-you-have-a-meeting daydream @ work fantasy material...

It is what it is. I've come to accept that in my singledom.

To quote Fooler again: "Our thinking that there is a determined model of how things are supposed to be is not a product of empirical fact as much as it is a general rationalization of something we’ve grown accustomed to seeing."

You know someone who got wifed....not really wifey material but she did it. HOW?!! Everyone wants to know and she says among other things that she didn't put out right away. So now we all think holding out does the trick...see how that works? Never mind the fact that NO ONE asked shorty what her standards are for sex...she might be a dead fish and you listenin to her about having a man who 1. could be gay 2. can't fuck 3. is dumb as rocks or 4. all of the above smh.....getting caught out there...

So with Houdini's (hopefully out the loop) and non-self deprivation of the D in effect, the next time I get asked the most irritating question by some guy who undoubtedly wants to smash "Why are you single?" I will say what I've started saying:

"...Because I haven't met a guy with his lights on, that would consider me as his girlfriend" Knowing that if all else fails, I'm principled and that's a fall back that at least gets me through a month or so ;-)