Babies R Us...But Definitely NOT Me Right Now

As if Mondays were not bad enough in their drudgery, I got one hell of an email to jumpstart my day at work. The subject read "Enfamil Family Beginnings" and without even giving it that much thought, I just opened to see if I had yet another reminder of my eternal single-dom.

"Congratulations, Anne! And welcome to Enfamil Family Beginnings. We know this is a special time and we're excited to help you every step of the way."

I immediately looked to the right of my congratulatory email message and saw a blue bar labeled: "Get Pregnancy Nutrition Tips."

Apparently, according the email gods of expectant mothers I received a visit from the Stork...because believe me Immaculate Conception would have been a more fathomable idea at this point.

Now it wouldn't have been such a weird email

1. if it wasn't Monday morning at 8am, and

2. if I had actually indicated ANYWHERE in print, electronically, or in life that I was preggo!

I just turned 25 and so the prospect of having kids has subconciously entered my mind more now than it ever has. And while I wish this was some bullshit biological,clock-ticking, mind fuckery - sadly I must say it isn’t. I have had maybe 2-3 dreams of my being preggers (still fabulous of course), holding a newborn in the hospital, and me letting some invisible man know (not so much like the chair-tossing, Halleluiah praise-dancing Maury scene) that he IS the father. But damn Enfamil, really?...

Later on this Monday trip, one of my friends posted on her Facebook status:

"Wow someone told me my biological clock is ticking...lol I guess you supposed to have kids at age 16 with an asshole instead of waiting to finish school and getting married....smh"

Being that my friend is 21, I'm not surprised by the fact that the "society of buffoons" date-stamped my friend's eggs w/"almost expired."

As if this baby talk weren't enough on a Monday I got one more prodding hint that this is something I have to speak on. At my part-time at Macy's I mentioned something to one of the managers about having to be well rested for my day job with the kids. If I could guess her age I would say she's around her late 40s-early 50ish. She says "I don't do kids...I'm sorry" and I confidently reassured her in Texan saying I've picked "You're fine!" as I walked off to go home for the night. At the moment that my manager apologized for "not doing kids" I envisioned my life if I decided not have kids down the line.

The first image I got was a healthy bank account and a very neatly kept house. Then came the vacations on the Riviera without the need to call to check-in or find a sitter, and lastly aside from my career of working with kids, I wouldn't have to deal with all the trappings of my own: parent-teacher conferences, finding and paying for a good school, dealing with bad ass kids trying to ruin my work as a parent with loser boyfriends, stalker girlfriends, jail stints and the like. I left work feeling like my manager's life outside of Macy's was as great as her honey blonde curly hairstyles...and having once been honey blonde myself I most definitely approve.

But then I came back from my self-imposed future montage and realized that I do want to have kids of my own.

But why is it that no matter what we as women do we're relgated to the mommies vs. the non-mommies...I mean if one of the first questions people want to know about you involve if you've had 10 months (because that's actually how long 36-37 weeks is) of annoying shit happen to you, followed by the most painful experience known to women, shiiiittttt HELL NAH. Especially with this empty-ass bed and ring finger combo I go home to every night.

Although my family has been probing me with baby questions since I turned 21 including my aunt telling me on mother's Day back in 2008 "I hope I can say the same to you soon!" I'm used to the arsenal of what are you waiting fors, don't wait until you're too olds, etc but how come I can't just be....young and free. I mean that's what I am and that's how I plan to stay until I'm ready, but I can't help feeling like even in 2011, maybe even more so than before young women are expected to either lower their standards and just accept motherhood, since as my mother and aunt foolishly exclaimed "You don't need any man" – Except to get knocked up my elder kinfolk :-/

The Society of buffons has had a lot to do with this too since most teenagers, young women, and the boys who eventually become referred to as "sperm donors" get knocked up and decide to bypass the $300 abortion...and I'm not trying to be on a soapbox but shit, it's my blog and I can say what I want to. I can't tell you what different women's thought processes are when it comes to making these decisions. Hell, alot of these "women" are doing grown folks business and just think a baby is part of the equation that will easily fit into the routine. To them I say, kudos and be blessed in your brokeness. I can barely afford to take care of my own needs without thinking about the perpetual dollar signs that follow the baby once it's out of the womb. Diapers, milk, clothes that only fit for a few weeks and/or months...then there's childcare because obviously I don't have a stay-at-home $Free.99 babysitter to rely on. And the old adage you get what you pay for is definitely more than applicable in the case of who would be watching my child.

I'm definitely going to be one of those parents who gets hidden cameras to monitor and make sure nothing triflin' is afoot. But how all the added responsibilities, stresses, and expenses escape the minds of these people is beyond me. But I know it's common because if most people in general conversation ask me if I have kids, my 21-year old friend's biological clock is ticking AT 21, my manager apologizes for not doing kids, and Enfamil can email me congratulating me on my yet-to-even-be-thought of baby then I guess I'm an anomaly in a sea of strollers.

I am not berating by any means all the mothers who handle their business and decided to actually have children when they did. Quite on the contrary I am just putting myself in the category of Los Blancos con dinero...I will be ready to accept motherhood when I know my life is at the point where another life will bring joy while simultaneously not bleeding my and my boo's wallets dry. Because as much as I love children, I know what Los Blancos con dinero have proven time and again, if my clock loses its ticking abilities, I can ALWAYS set back the hands if the means are there. And I don't know about the rest of yall, but I'm grinding to be on the level where I have the means for me, and my future (still non-existent) family.