To All the Daddy-Less Girls

For the greater part of my life I grew up without my father being present in my life. Our relationship began with writing letters back and forth (since he still lives in Haiti) and small exchanges of my father's acknowledgment of my existence. After a while though of not seeing the man, or hearing his voice we both fell off of that.

I met him once, very briefly when I was 6 at a distant relative's First Communion somewhere distant from NYC. Prior to the creation of digital cameras, there was not one single documentation of that day that I can remember except that he hardly seemed interested, we spoke for what seemed like a nanosecond, and he came to that event but none of mine.

After getting used to the fact that he wasn't in my life, and seeing that even our pen-pal communication had dwindled, at the age if 15 I decided to write my father a letter and let him know about himself. In that letter I made sure to let him know that I didn't appreciate him never calling for my birthday even though we're born 8 days apart, in America father's are responsible for their children and if they don't pay can be taken to court for child support, and the fact that he has never been to a graduation, a life event, or even just there in life was not cool. My mom proofread it to make sure I didn't violate to the umpteenth power and she gave me the green light.

Of course I didn't get a response. Word from my cousin was that he was upset about it and sincerely convinced my mother got me to write it. I wasn't concerned with any other response or reaction that a reply from him that never came. When I went to Haiti in 2006 it was time to address face to face what I said in the letter.

My dad arrived at the family house and once again it seemed like I was definitely not a priority. He made sure to be the charmer that I heard he was and talk history, politics, and joke with my uncles and ppl in the house as I sat outside and waited. About a cool hour and some change later, we had our "talk." I confirmed that I did write the letter without any help from my mom and that because he doesn't know me, of course that's what he would expect. He came with the same G a nigga would that was trying to get back in your good graces. After lying about being there for everything that happened BEFORE I WAS BORN and ending at a moot point, I decided to just move on....

I went to visit his house in Haiti and spent a pretty boring, mundane almost invisible day with him at this intellectual book event and that was the extent of our in person interaction. I felt absolutely nothing and don't feel anything for someone who for all purposes is a stranger and that is perfectly okay for me.

As a naturally observant person, I've surrounded myself with people who have an amalgamation of "Daddy situations." From my one friend whose dad is STILL MARRIED to her mom, one of my besties who is a self-professed daddy's girl, to my other female friends who have some smattering of deadbeat but minimally present in life we all have things that we accept and just file away if we need to. I once asked a friend of mine if she would have rather had the father figure she had or if she would have preferred a more involved dad and she really just shrugged her shoulders and said "All I know is how he was and that I don't want that for my kids."

Hearing that truth.com and observing people in life I've realized one thing: NONE OF US have used our daddy-less woes to whore ourselves through the streets recklessly. Although my father hasn't been in my life, I still know what a man should be if for no other reason than the fact that I've seen and heard about some messy ass shit. I'm not "looking for love in all the wrong places" and acting like a scallywag just b/c my father never told me I was pretty. I'm just not the type of person to make excuses, or look for a crutch to explain my actions...

To put it plainly. It's whatever. I've been blessed in abundance with so many other things and gifts that being one of the too many daddy-less colored girls is something that hasn't ingrained itself as a part of my psyche enough to warrant the bullshit that many females out here claim is because they don't have that male figure around.

I would NEVER call a dude I'm romantically and/or sexually involved with "Daddy" it's weird. Shit, calling my own father "daddy" is awkward as hell and I'm NOT LOOKING FOR THAT...My mom did and excellent job and where she did't educate formally or by example i was able to learn on my own. I would NEVER be caught dead in these streets being disrespected, humiliated, beat, or laid up with any old nigga just because I didn't have my father gassing me up...

So to all the daddy-less girls out there I hope you learn to truly seek to learn yourself, your morals, and realize that your actions for better or for worse are a direct reflection of YOU, and not your invisible daddy.

Look at Your Life - On Social Maturity (SM)

It has come to my attention that many people are not aware that with age comes some sense of common decency in social settings. I've seen egregious wrongs at clubs, on the streets, on Facebook, and really in too many damn places. So I decided to take this time to try and shed on some light while we are in the midst of summer and will no doubt fall victim to these offenses over and over and over again.

Social Maturity or SM is nothing more than taking a nanosecond to take a look at your life. When SM crimes are committed, there is no doubt a serious lack of the ability to look at your life. These are the moments where you as an annoyed/aggravated bystander become aware that this person/people missed that small window of opportunity to look at their lives and now you have to deal with the sight of such an occurrence. SO without further ado, these are the Egregious Errors that continually add to the decrease of SM for all the 20-somethings and 30-somethings out there being reckless read up. Because I will always know who has never looked at their life and yes, I will judge your ass.

"I can't hold all this liquor - but I'm gonna drink it anyway..."
We ALL know our limits when if comes to alcohol. After the big ass alcohol party that was UNDERGRAD nobody with a 4-year degree ( and sometimes more than 4 years in that scene) can say that they don't know when they're about to be drunk or when they've had too much.

So WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU IN THIS CLUB ACTING LIKE YOU CAN'T WALK, SEE, TALK, OR BE THE FUCK EASY??? We've all seen these people...who drank all types of shit and thought they were the Incredible Hulk. I know for a fact that Hennessy makes niggas fight. So when I see that flowing I make sure to be somewhere with a quick exit or I leave before the let out...

If you know you drinking Hennessy Black, Eark & Jerk, Appletons or whatever the hell you like to drink - WHY YOU MIXIN IT WITH PATRON, CIROC, GOOSE or whatever else you know don't go with that shit?????????? Then when you're ass is causing a fuckin scene you gonna be the MAIN ONE SLEEP on the way home...

C'mon son. Take a look at YOUR life. At that moment before you go over the edge think about how dumb you'll look after. Remember all the other times ppl had to carry your ass. Most importantly think about the fact that come tomorrow you won't remember how much of an asshole you were but EVERYBODY ELSE WILL. Put that new liquor down nigga and have a seat. Go bag some bitches. Drink the SAME SHIT. Just please, don't make me have to judge you.

"Beyonce be wearing these lashes guurrrlll, and you know this lacefront is the bidnesssss"
No. It's not ma-ma. Celebrities wear lace fronts that ACTUALLY START AT THEIR HAIRLINES. Really YOU can't afford ANYTHING that Beyonce wears or even looks at by virtue of her surroundings and yours.

Although the beauty supply store and weave central have been known to carry GREAT hair accessories and pieces, for some reason too many of you women seem to think it is okay to wear some fake ass lashes EVERYDAY. To go to work, to go to sleep, to go to the store. BITCH THAT'S GLUE GOING ONTO YOUR EYES. And for the flamboyant bitches that use the glitter glue. Leave that shit for the weekend.

Ma-ma, you and I both KNOW your hairline isn't that close to your damn eyebrows. It's hot as hell, do you really think wearing a wig wit some glue and fake baby hairs should be the most effective use of your summertime funds? I think regular wigs look better than lace fronts, because most women wearing these lace front shit have not looked at their life, or that of their hairlines and foreheads before leaving the crib.

These enhancements are for SPECIAL OCCASIONS. Why do you need extend-a-lash if you not going NOWHERE. The block don't count, and up the street don't count. But if you want to be fucking with some glue at least CARRY THE SHIT WITH YOU. Them lop sided, limp ass eyelashes that be about to peel off are unattractive at best and show your lack of attentiveness at the worst.

I could keep going on the lace-fronts but yall have all seem them out there. Nuff said. Look at your life please.

"I'm going to expose my life, self, and character on FB"
If I see one more half-naked, desperate feenin chick on my home page on Facebook talking about "Add me as a friend" I will legitimately unfriend that person. Facebook is not nobody's e-damn harmony. This is NOT THE PLACE to be showing off your goods asking for friends.

Enough with the TMI on Facebook. All of this sharing information shit has gone overboard. Long after you think ppl done forgot about how you were putting up statuses about "being in love" and "being so happy" and posting love albums - the minute you air your dirty laundry about that same person, I will be the bitch pointing and laughing. Some shit is better left unsaid. Some shit is better left to a PHONE CALL remember those? and some shit just shouldn't be said period. Look at your life and stop making us ALL look at it. People are watching YOU AND THAT PERSON BECAUSE YOU INVITED PPL TO THE SHOW.

If I see one more damn tag about Louboutins, sneakers, or any other dumb shit I will unfriend those ppl as well. You know good and well Mr. Louboutin don't NEED FACEBOOK to sell the REAL SHIT. Leave it to ignorant folk to try organized bootlegging online...If I wanted Louboutins trust me, your page would DEFINITELY NOT be my source of reference. Like. Ever.

"I like to dress along with the hip-hop generation"
Pull. your. pants. UP. If you are 30 and older, there is NOT A REASON IN THE WORLD FOR YOU TO DRESS LIKE YOU'RE IN HS. Wear some loafers, some Clarks, get some damn pants that fit your ass. Just dress with some sense of showing the public you've looked at your life and realize that you won't be a hoodbooger forever, you have a job (or are looking to do more than chill on the block) and if you are gonna sag, PLEASE BUY SOME RESPECTABLE UNDERWEAR. Them dingy ass hanes and fruit of the looms aint cuttin it. And if you're fat - sagging WASN'T MADE FOR YOUR ASS, THERE'S NO MALE ASHLEY STEWART.

In all these cases, we ALL KNOW OFFENDERS. I just thought it was time to tell all these fools to LOOK AT YOUR LIFE. Do something. In some cases it might be DON'T DO THIS SHIT. But at this point we are all cognizant enough to know when to hold em and when to fold em.

A Very Special Independence Day

On this July 4th, while tons of people are out enjoying BBQ's, the sunshine, and people are running the streets, I will be celebrating my own independence. From what you may ask? Well I've finally come the conclusion that hard workers are seldom wont to believe.

I COME BEFORE ANY JOB/EMPLOYER. This may seem like a given, but in reality it's not at all something that is easy to accept, or live. Now in my post before this I made it clear that I'm a "do-er" I've been known to vent to my friends about issues and problems, etc. BUT I've also been known to take matters into my own hands with some semblance of a plan and act. Which is what I decided to do, and why I'll be making the long drive back to NYC starting tonight. A fitting independence day for me since I've freed myself of the shackles of the unglorified, ungrateful work environment that I caught myself working in.

Now I love the Americorps program because you do learn a lot of skills, but make no mistake, I was BROKE here in Dallas. Effectually this is kind of an oxymoron since shit here is generally cheaper than a lot of other places. But having to gas up Candy everytime I wanted to go across town (where everything happened to be in my last few months of living here) became whack. Now I am a social person by nature, but living across the country you kind of learn to manuever around the shortcomings of your surroundings and the people therein. Case and point, everyone needs to "plan" to hang out :-/ um okay so you relaly mean to tell me I need to pencil something in with ppl just to chill. Lamitos. I'm not saying everything should be spontaneous but #c'monson. This false sense of necessity is so...unecessary. Then the disrespect at work started. Normally I'll go into details but all I'll say is, after all the work I did for these ungrateful people, they had me confused because they kept telling ME how sweet a deal I had with THEM. Now I'm REALLY not into the "rubbin shit in" thing. Especially when ppl think they know but they have NO idea.

My bills could barely get paid, I had no social life, I was clocking 45 hours a week on average making no money, living with other ppl who were not as clean as me, and had to deal with yall on Saturday too. What kind of sweat deal is that for me? Being broke with no life. Then I really think they had me confused with a black worker in the Reconstruction era. When I thought about all that was said to me unprofessionally, my professional experiences, and looked at my bank account I had enough. Truly, though when the Executive Director called me a "brilliant underachiever" I REALLY knew, they had no fuckin idea, who they were dealing with. So once I spoke to my TX support team, I decided it was time to boogie. Because I had already had things going on but they were vaguely aware of that the seed was already planted. So let's just say I had a family emergency that warranted my immediate return home.

Just like that. I took 2 days off, went in on Wednesday and Thursday and the ED gave me Friday to finish moving. Loved it. See, I've heard a lot of stories - especially as of late, with ppl who say "girl I got let go" no notice, no time to plan, no sympathy. Why should my loyalty lie with a bunch of ingrates who truly believed they were doing me a favor when in reality I sacrificed to be there for them? You should NEVER UNDERVALUE YOURSELF JUST FOR A JOB. They would never be on my level in any way, and really the bitch was about to omnipresent in my everything. So instead of creating a major misunderstanding because THEY misunderstood ME (but thought they knew me) I decided to cut the ties amicably by telling a lie.

I already asked God to forgive me, but most people can't handle the truth and it be's like that sometimes fo'real. Employers are probably closer to the top caste of the most sensitive ppl out there. And if they're scorned there goes your recommendation. Knowing the environment I was in, it wasn't a culture of independent ppl who made it on their own. They were used to ppl needing them, depending on them, and for most of my life I've depended on myself to make it. Not a good fit if you see what I mean. That's why they thought they "I had it pretty good" and that's why they assumed they could talk to me and say whatever asinine shit popped into their heads. No sir. Not I. So I left, in good standing, and got my freedom before July 4th :-)

I thought about giving 2 weeks - then I thought about spending the money to get there for those two weeks. Nah. Not gonna happen. Then I thought about what they would try and have me do before I left. Nah. Definitely not gonna happen. I had already created a bunch of how tos and so for me it was not only a natural time to break away, but one of the biggest tasks of my job was complete. I was done. I left at the most opportune time for me.

It took me a decade (I've been working since I was 14 years old) to truly have the security within myself to up and leave something that isn't working for me. Because trust me when employers feel it isn't working for them - they don't even stick a fork in you because you're just DONE. And now they are too in my book. I'm too talented, too intelligent, and too loved by my peoples to stay here in this place dealing with some bullshit. So, I'll be back running the streets that I'm familiar with and where people's hustles are at least giving the respect they deserve by those who notice.

Young workers of the world unite, it's a new day and either you're a lay down getting rolled over or you're finding the way to power your own steamroller....I'm about to turn that key what you do is up to you...