To All the Daddy-Less Girls

For the greater part of my life I grew up without my father being present in my life. Our relationship began with writing letters back and forth (since he still lives in Haiti) and small exchanges of my father's acknowledgment of my existence. After a while though of not seeing the man, or hearing his voice we both fell off of that.

I met him once, very briefly when I was 6 at a distant relative's First Communion somewhere distant from NYC. Prior to the creation of digital cameras, there was not one single documentation of that day that I can remember except that he hardly seemed interested, we spoke for what seemed like a nanosecond, and he came to that event but none of mine.

After getting used to the fact that he wasn't in my life, and seeing that even our pen-pal communication had dwindled, at the age if 15 I decided to write my father a letter and let him know about himself. In that letter I made sure to let him know that I didn't appreciate him never calling for my birthday even though we're born 8 days apart, in America father's are responsible for their children and if they don't pay can be taken to court for child support, and the fact that he has never been to a graduation, a life event, or even just there in life was not cool. My mom proofread it to make sure I didn't violate to the umpteenth power and she gave me the green light.

Of course I didn't get a response. Word from my cousin was that he was upset about it and sincerely convinced my mother got me to write it. I wasn't concerned with any other response or reaction that a reply from him that never came. When I went to Haiti in 2006 it was time to address face to face what I said in the letter.

My dad arrived at the family house and once again it seemed like I was definitely not a priority. He made sure to be the charmer that I heard he was and talk history, politics, and joke with my uncles and ppl in the house as I sat outside and waited. About a cool hour and some change later, we had our "talk." I confirmed that I did write the letter without any help from my mom and that because he doesn't know me, of course that's what he would expect. He came with the same G a nigga would that was trying to get back in your good graces. After lying about being there for everything that happened BEFORE I WAS BORN and ending at a moot point, I decided to just move on....

I went to visit his house in Haiti and spent a pretty boring, mundane almost invisible day with him at this intellectual book event and that was the extent of our in person interaction. I felt absolutely nothing and don't feel anything for someone who for all purposes is a stranger and that is perfectly okay for me.

As a naturally observant person, I've surrounded myself with people who have an amalgamation of "Daddy situations." From my one friend whose dad is STILL MARRIED to her mom, one of my besties who is a self-professed daddy's girl, to my other female friends who have some smattering of deadbeat but minimally present in life we all have things that we accept and just file away if we need to. I once asked a friend of mine if she would have rather had the father figure she had or if she would have preferred a more involved dad and she really just shrugged her shoulders and said "All I know is how he was and that I don't want that for my kids."

Hearing that truth.com and observing people in life I've realized one thing: NONE OF US have used our daddy-less woes to whore ourselves through the streets recklessly. Although my father hasn't been in my life, I still know what a man should be if for no other reason than the fact that I've seen and heard about some messy ass shit. I'm not "looking for love in all the wrong places" and acting like a scallywag just b/c my father never told me I was pretty. I'm just not the type of person to make excuses, or look for a crutch to explain my actions...

To put it plainly. It's whatever. I've been blessed in abundance with so many other things and gifts that being one of the too many daddy-less colored girls is something that hasn't ingrained itself as a part of my psyche enough to warrant the bullshit that many females out here claim is because they don't have that male figure around.

I would NEVER call a dude I'm romantically and/or sexually involved with "Daddy" it's weird. Shit, calling my own father "daddy" is awkward as hell and I'm NOT LOOKING FOR THAT...My mom did and excellent job and where she did't educate formally or by example i was able to learn on my own. I would NEVER be caught dead in these streets being disrespected, humiliated, beat, or laid up with any old nigga just because I didn't have my father gassing me up...

So to all the daddy-less girls out there I hope you learn to truly seek to learn yourself, your morals, and realize that your actions for better or for worse are a direct reflection of YOU, and not your invisible daddy.