UGGGHHH!!

You know what really grinds my gears? These things never cease to annoy me when they occur and are always followed by the sentiment of “UGGHHHHHH!!” Feel free to add yours to the mix I’m sure I forgot a bunch of things…

1. Lollygagging

Contrary to popular belief, walking has rules. It’s NYC why would the millions of pedestrians be exempt? I’m just sick though of having people walk in front of me, block my path down some stairs, and/or wandering aimlessly in MY WAY. If you’re lost, confused, need a minute – just step to the damn side and allow me to catch my train, go to work, get to the store, or do whatever I need to do. Move with a purpose..sheesh.

2. Spreading Your Disgusting Germs

As the winter (and cold/flu) season is upon us – I am sick of people just “Ahhhhhheeechhhk” “Chu-chu” without COVERING THEIR MOUTHS. We learned this lesson in Kindergarten which I am positive 100% of people were able to complete. I always wrinkle my nose, hold my breath until invisible germs have dissolved into the air and I think it safe to breathe but why I gotta do that cuz you want to be nasty?

3. Unprofessionalism

Listen, I don’t know the intricacies of getting some of these jobs but I DIDN’T WANT THEM. I also take my job kinda serious. You knew what you were signing up for – if you didn’t then go read your manual. All of these people who work in customer service but HATE ppl :-/ not my problem. All the people who decided to work and never thought they would meet an actual OFFICIAL person and have some accountability – spare me. Just don’t think for a second I won’t tell you (and your manager if you really annoy me) about yourself because you can always quit, go into a business better suited to your unprofessional ways, or go to (job) hell.

4. Dragging Out the Simplest Things

I recently had to drop off paperwork for some public assistance (I am NOT ashamed). THAT WAS IT. I could scan some papers, check some boxes on a computer and say hello in about…hmm..2 minutes? But nah, because I’m a part of this system I just HAVE to wait. It has to be in the Government’s DNA to scorn all people seeking assistance by making us wait for the simplest tasks in the world. But the lady hooked me up so even after I said Uggghhh, I was only forced to wait a cool 2 hours. Thanks for the hookup! This also applies to when you want to buy ONE thing and EVERY line has a bazillion ppl lined up and all you want to do is get the hell out of the place. Many a dime has been saved in these scenarios because the lines usually win and I go about my business.

5. Invading My Personal Space

I have a 2”x 2” invisible box that is my personal space. Even on a crowded train this space exists (it may be reduced by an inch but it’s still there). So when anyone decides that holding the pole right above my head is cool, or spreading their legs to the length of a wingspan is alright – I’m annoyed. Leaning on the train doors is meant for 2 people MAX. That little corner seat on the train is meant for ONE. And when in doubt if you’re uncomfortably close, touching me, or in my damn area back the hell up.

6. The “Pardoned” Caress

I think my sentiments about the club are in this category too – but I don’t want to put my old recreational activity on blast just yet but there is the pardoned caress that happens. You know when a guy wants to pass you and instead of saying “Excuse me” like a normal person – they decide to rub and caress your lower back as if he also has to pardon your ass before he moves. Maybe I have intimacy issues, maybe I’ve been single for way too long – but why you rubbin on me like thaaaaaaat?!?! I don’t caress any dude’s back or give him some 5 minute massage preview when I’m trying to move because he’s a STRANGER and I’m just trying to MOVE. Nowhere in that equation should faux-intimacy and apocryphal moments of tenderness pass.