The Texting Thesis

I appreciate the convenience that text presents in this digital, hyper-connected world we live in. For all it’s convenience, I love that texting allows you to “pay attention” to more than one person and/or thing at a time, keep a conversation going when holding the phone to your ear can’t happen, and getting quick responses for one-off questions that don’t merit wasting anyone’s minutes (who still counts those though :-/?) – or more than likely saving you a trip to someone’s dusty voicemail box that never gets checked.

I have found though, that for all the things I love about texting – there are things that I loathe about it as well. At the top of my Texting Detestation is the complicated TONE. The problem anytime two people are trying to communicate via words on a screen there is room for SEVERE misinterpretation.

I was once in a text conversation and someone was trying to tell me their point of view via text message. So I responded “Point duly noted” within the message I sent back. To which I received the message “…now you saying point duly noted, oh no I am not the one.” I looked at my screen and chuckled since if this were a real conversation the tone in my voice would have given the context clue that would have alluded to the word “duly” meaning rightly so; with validity; or in hood speak can be taken to mean “Truuu!” or “You got that one.”

Now I am aware that while my vocabulary is rife with ignorant misnomers, expletives, and made-up hood terminology I also use “big” words as well since I like to spread wide the use of my higher-than-math verbal SAT score. I am also aware that I am very silly when I’m comfortable around a person. So in my communications that comes out but invariably the TONE always gets lost in these non-verbal methods of communication.

#2 on my Text Detestation List: Text as a Conversation REPLACER

I am single and well…I’ve had the unfortunate luck of running into MORE than a few dudes who think it is OKAY to get to know me via text. Sending me messages like

“What’s your favorite color?”

“What do you like to do for fun?” or the variant to this “What thing you like to get into?”

I’ve dismissed these dudes shortly after the 3^rd question comes because I simply DO NOT have the TIME or finger energy to answer ALLA DIS on my phone. If you want to get to know me, call. I know that’s so 1990 – but the truth is texting DOES NOT REPLACE talking. Following up – sure! It’s great to text someone a picture of something ratchet you were just talking about! Perfect actually.

But to think (as happened recently to me) that guy meets girl. Guy texts girl and says that “I don’t remember what you look like, but I remember thinking you were sexy.” (Disclaimer: I didn’t even remember who this was after HE hit ME up asking how WE met, and thus had NO reference point to even rest my pretty fingers on that space bar with) AND THEN asks me to make time to come see him VIA TEXT. You could have been Quasi Moto from Hunchback for all I know. You could have NO bass in your voice. And this is how we “speak.” Clearly I’m a dinosaur in these streets because standards have clearly become extinct in the world of TALKING to people. 

#3 God-Awful Grammar from the Too-Grown Folks

If you’re 40 years old (as has happened to me lol I swear I couldn’t make up some of the characters I;ve met if I TRIED!) do NOT and I repeat do NOT let me get a message from you talking about “So wen u cumin ova?” Best part of said message was that it came from a TEACHER smh…Worst part of this message TOO many ppl spell COME like it’s the sperm race championships with their “cum.” I’m going to need folks to stop it. 

Abbreviations are fine. I get it. I love my OMW and SMH and LOL because they work and I understand them. Do NOT think you will be the next Daniel Webster for Text Editor  with all these “new” (really old & simple) text words & terms spelled incorrectly. We too grown to act like my 14 yr old cousin on Facebook…and since reading is fundamental and I have to read YO mess don’t make me waste my time trying to even understand you…

#4 The 1-Worder Turned Drama

Because tone invariably gets misconstrued in text, I’ve found that when dealing with drama queens/kings and those who have nothing else to do besides get angry over a text message – the one word response elicits something you as reader knows is attitude and vexation coming through your phone.

If anyone asks me the most basic nonsense on my phone you’re getting a 1-worder. Such as “Where are you at?” Sent at 4pm on a WEEKDAY. Where else would I be? Tricking on 42^nd St? Naturally my response can only be “work.” It’s not like you and I BOTH are unaware of the fact that I do go to an establishment ERRday for a (measly) living…Friday I could understand. But Mon-Thurs…let’s be common about this (b/c you don’t have to be smart to deduce where I would be or any other dumb question you get via text). So when I get a response that is “okay [insert name here].” Don’t be annoyed and try to include my name in some drama-deducing tactic to demonstrate grievance. YOU asked a dumb question that you should have known the answer to. Take those attitudinal text waves to someone else’s phone cuz it wasn’t worth all that “[insert name here].”  

Drama that is amassed from texting should automatically raise a red flag of “Get yo life!” pause and reflection since it’s never that serious. And usually for drama-less folks they keep it moving…