Just Do It

I am so thankful I don’t hang around people who don’t talk about shit. You know those people. All the talk about is baby mama drama, some new kicks, niggas, money, bitches, hood gossip, and Lord knows what else could be so intriguing about NOTHING.

I wish I could say I spend countless hours trying to solve this eternal mystery but because I don’t frequent the coop to get the latest chicken grease this thought has only crossed my mind a few times when I hear snippets of those convos.

Nigga. What exactly do you DO?

What is your raison d’être to be on this fuckin block. Like the stoop holds itself up. Does Q’s (who’s real name is unknown to you and forbids him from having a job that pays more than $40K/yr if that) baby mama and kids even care about YOU and your kicks?

I can’t.

“For all the things we must do, doing is the first step”

The Nike slogan never appealed to me until I turned 25 years old, had even more time to think about myself, and took a survey of those around me.

Those who I chill with;

those who I’ve left behind – but FB reminds me of their domesticated lives;

those who I’ve had to unfriend because - my nigga you aint talking about SHIT on here. And when I get there you won’t be buying my products like that.

Look I’m just saying what yall know yall be thinking when yall see those comment threads from elementary school with you tagged from class 313, 412 at PS-whatever…I had NO COMMENT for that thread cuz I can’t be bothered with the past…

But I do focus every now and then on my friends now. I just have to say that I have a phenomenal set of friends. And this is not the type of fake, valley girl Like. OMG! My friends are AWESOME! Nah they’re all intelligent, goal-oriented, responsible, but fun young ladies who can throw down if a bitch come out her face but we don’t do that because we grown type thing and eat sushi and have mimosas and go to brunch type girls.

All my friends stay in their lanes as I do and make it do what it do. Disclaimer being said, I’m still just a do-er. Now I truly believe that I am very different than most people. Who ups and moves clear across the country because the internet said there’s black single guys (yeah that was one of the reasons I’m not even gonna put myself on frontstreet.net) and to be a teacher? Who else goes to Belgium to live for 2 months to learn French?

I’m not tooting my own horn. On the contrary I’ve just come to realize that, those things that I do which are weird – even to me, are because I’m a DOER. Once I put something into the universe AT LEAST 3 times I HAVE to do it.

It’s just this thing I’ve developed from reading The Secret and being really faithful in God’s power to see me through some ::Flamin’ gay bestie voice:: hot ass messes.

Being a doer is about pulling the trigger. I often use the shopping analogy when it comes to this. Being a recovering shopaholic but always a savvy shopper, the best purchases are those that you know through experience and analytics present a deal that you’ll miss if you don’t buy right then and there.

When I decided to move to Texas for example, it made sense because I could at least get a job and live a cost effective life where I would get to actually use the car I was paying for… Even if I was relegated to poverty! A steal in the best of places considering I have not been out of work for long stints since being here (vs. almost 2 yrs in NYC).

When I took my position as an Americorps VISTA, although I knew it wouldn’t make me rich – I knew the opportunity itself would bring about things that I could never have asked for even if I had a higher paying job. I also had no other prospect at the time and after praying to God, we decided that I was right at the bullseye and had to pull the trigger.

I’ve found that a lot of my friends ask why? Or they don’t see the immediate gratification or justification for doing something when the opportunity presents itself. This may be for several reasons and I’m not knocking them. They make it do what it do and it works their way. I’m just saying “It aint me”

My whole thing is why NOT? I don’t have any kids and I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m trying to LIVE before life becomes bottles, homework, and couples dinners like “I Love My Wife.” I already do Dinner and TV so I’m well on the way of being domesticated, but

being free is my motivation to do AS MUCH AS I CAN sans attachments.

But I’m also not as afraid of commitment once the trigger’s been pulled. And my friends know because they heard me cry in the roughest moments of making the move here. They’ve seen me flip out, panic, and bawl when my car got towed.

I damn sure wasn’t gonna sell my car like the lady at the NYC Finance Office suggested. I know for DAYUM sure I wasn’t moving back to NYC to live with

::GASP::

::EGADS::

My MOTHER & ‘EM.

That comment has so much gravity it’s already halfway to the center of the earth lol…

I don’t have any quit in me. That’s why I got fired from the school I was working at (well that’s not WHY but once I have more readers who DON’T know what went down I’ll elaborate in this forum…maybe lol)

Sometimes for better or for worse you have to ::Starksy and Hutch moment:: “Do it…c’mon doo iitt”

Usually it ends up for the better, but life is all about the adventure. From living it (like being stopped ON FOOT by the Carrollton Police in TX) to recounting it (attending a show inside the Sydney Opera House), and best of all – remembering it all for me and for my kids.

I would love to say that I have no regrets…but some of the men that have come through the revolving door could have never came to store lol…but all-in-all it was for a time, it was an adventure and I love me some adventures.

Hell not everyone can say that they LIVE life. From the way I look at it, you can approach it in 2 ways.

Life can be a noun and you can just sit in the shit, letting routine, predictability, monotony and complacence run you.

Or

Life can be a verb where you actually DO, LIVE, SEE, ACT, and indulge in the things that make you different from the people you surround yourself around.

The choice is yours, but I’m gonna have to keep on doing…it’s the only way I know how to stay sane.

Hold the Treble I Need That BASS

Man::Bass as Anne::Shoes

Those that know me understand immediately what this analogy means. But I’ll give another one for those who aren’t as familiar with me but read this I’ll give you another one.

Man::Bass as Friday::Week

Man::Bass as Car System::Bass

I did great on the SATs in the verbal and reading section…maybe it was a precursor for what my english major would be, but what u learned about analogies helped me do well. You have to really think about the relationship between the two words from as many angles as you could think of.

Verb::Career; Function::Function; Part of Speech::Part of Speech I mean analogies are a great tool for critical thinking. Being able to analyze and figure out an analogy is analogous to solving a high difficulty Sudoku puzzle. So anyway, back to the original analogy.

I wake up on Monday DREAMING about the end of the week. I love my job and I STILL look forward to my time away from work. It boggles my mind that we only have 2 days to ourselves (if we’re lucky) to live our personal lives without interruption but I digress…

Friday is essential to the work week. Even if you don’t have a job, Friday signals the beginning of the 2-day (or 3-day if you live in NYC and have the energy) party time and life with those who fist-pump into the night with the best DJs. Friday is the sigh of relief for having made it another calendar week without going postal, getting some shit done (hopefully) and advancing towards some accomplishment.

For me shoes are E.SSEN.TIAL. Shoes make (or break) an outfit. In my wardrobe I have amassed a lot of things but shoes far outnumber any other piece because they’re just that crucial to life.

I was catching up on Sinbad Family Values and had to include one of the many fabulously true quotes from this guy.

Sinbad “Any woman would like to marry a man who can fix things but with this generation. Nah. It aint gonna happen.”

Very true. But of all the things I willingly accept and know won’t happen, like having a Mr. Fix It who can handle my car, change my oil, and save me tons of $$$ - bass is DEFINITELY not something I can live without.

Bass in a man’s voice is essential to me falling for the shit I know can’t be true. Bass helps to formulate the feeling of “Mmmmph I can’t wait to talk to this dude.” Bass is just crucial and I think synonymous with a dude saying they’re a man.

When I think Brawny, Old Spice, Axe – I think man and of course BASS…I can’t tell you how many Ivy educated dudes I’ve dealt with that have the most nasal, corny-tone sounding voice. I. Can’t.

There is a scale of octave range within the bass voice levels that is acceptable for me. Like I don’t need Barry White in my ear (although I will say I would be like his fans back in the day droppin them draws!). I know my voice isn’t high pitched. The raspy tone I got cannot be trumped by your lame ass. Won’t have it.

I just need to feel that if you clear your throat I want to listen. I want to like to hear you – not be annoyed at the prospect of listening to the “nerd speak” coming from your nose. I just had to post this for all my ladies who will not and cannot live without that bass, because trust and believe that IS on my checklist.

Introducing Project Pepper Anne

Remember that Disney cartoon Pepper Ann?? As an avid cartoon lover the theme song was one of my favorite parts but here's my little spin on that chorus:

"Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann marching on this debt parade/
Pepper Ann she's like one in a million!/
Pepper Ann Pepper Ann getting credits if she can-/
No one goes harder than Pepper Ann!"

This post is all about my alter ego who I've officially called Project Pepper Anne (b/c sometimes you gotta get hood) and how to fight for what’s rightfully yours by throwing some pepper into an otherwise stale situation…

Now it is common knowledge that I do not make a lot of money. But it boggles my mind when creditors, banks, and businesses believe that messing with my money is for some reason – acceptable. Now it is also common knowledge to those that are close to me that I don’t play that shit.

So I’ve devised a brief guide to get more ppl in on how to get what’s rightfully (or just what they want to be) theirs back.

If getting credits, fees, and cash refunded was an Olympic sport I would be at minimum a 4-time gold medalist, with a few silver and bronze medals to boot. But I can say this with no problem because the companies and banks of America have forced me to hone my HAM skills.

I have spent an exorbitant amount of daytime minutes (luckily they’ve been unlimited for a while), an extensive vocabulary, and exercised the most fine-tuned of diligence, persistence, and patience-with-a-limit. But before I tell you about the thorough alter ego I’ve affectionately named Project Pepper Anne (PPA) it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t provide some context.

The name ‘Anne’ is so plain, so calm and unassuming that I guess when people see it on paper they mistake me for a French blanco lady. I take no offense to this since I know my name is completely the opposite of my colorful personality. But this thought is probably an overestimation on my part because really everyone is reduced to two numbers in this world (especially to someone who answers the phone when you happen to call):

Your Social Security Number

And

Your Credit Score

So I guess from the onset these people don’t know who they’re really dealing with – nor do I in the beginning. Chances are though that the person who answers the call isn’t the person you need. I don’t come out the gate with PPA though. Because sometimes you’re not talking to the right person but they’ll happily get you to vent your frustration to the next highest pay grade.

At this critical point though is the 1^st step to winning your first customer service battle:

NEVER waste time and insults with the UNDERLING. They don’t even need the whole story – trust me you’ll have ample time to explain your issue to the person that counts, don’t waste your breath here.

(Actually this is Step 1 ½ ). Step 1 is: KNOW your issue as if it was a child you birthed AND have the right number. This is crucial because we all work and don’t want to be on the phone more than we really have to but holding is inevitable.

I like to Google corporate office numbers just to be sure when it comes to banks. For utility companies getting that number isn’t critical since you can still get to someone who has credit-yielding power. FYI PPA has not come out yet…but I utter these words:

“I NEED a manager. “ At this point PPA is making her way out, there’s some urgency in my tone, some levity to the next few words that follow the rebuttal you ALWAYS get:

“And what is this regarding? I am sure I can help” or some lame variation of “Let me try”

Now this is where you have to weigh the options you have – which is why KNOWING your issue is KEY.

If you are speaking with someone IN AMERICA they 1^st responder can’t help you – but they can understand what you need to happen and the weight behind it. Your gas/electric/car insurance company falls into this categories.

When National Grid (Brooklyn’s only gas provider) didn’t show up to turn my gas on after a few days because they had the wrong apt number I was too through. So knowing I was dealing with incompetence out the gate, I politely said when I got the rebuttal:

“I need to speak to a manager about the lack of competence at National Grid … because I still have no gas and there’s no reason for this.”

See I let the gravity sink in first so that the 1^st responder doesn’t even want to deal with me. And because I know my vocabulary is well beyond that of someone who in no means has my kind of education (I mean they got the apt number wrong and I had to suffer so elitism is on full throttle here) I had to lay it down layman’s terms. And my tone is thoroughly annoyed – Step 2.

Step 3: You MUST be passionate enough about being maligned, wronged, robbed, annoyed, just fed up or check all with whatever is prompting this demand. If you ‘re not upset or annoyed they’ll sense it and they’ll get over with “apologies” and things that DON’T equal monetary compensation. Sorry is nice but when I’m inconvenienced it WILL cost YOU. Especially when it’s YOUR fault.

Now if you are dealing with customer service off shores in India. Don’t mince your words at all. I mean these are people that call you and answer you talking about “A-ll-oo my name is Ree-bek-ah, how can I hulp you?”

C’mon son. Your name is NOT Ree-bek-ah! It’s probably Suresha or Vishnaya or whatever. Just keep it 100. I don’t even fake the nice. My response “Um yeah, I need a manager.” When they ask why “it’s about my account.” DONE . No need for intricacies or anything. Just verify the last 4 of your social and MOVE ON.

These scenarios are interchangeable since now-a-days no one wants to do their job but just giving you both. Use your best judgment. If it fails call back and start over (you’ll have ammo anyway..keep reading)

Now when you are finally speaking to the person who can get you want you want. You speak from your source of angst. NOT ignorantly but like an educated person who knows them BETTER than they know them. (Step 4 – actually one of the rules in the art of war: know your enemy). This knowledge can come in a few different ways.

· They messed up before with your money.

· They pissed you off before making the same mistake.

· It took way too long to get this taken care of (too many transfers, too long a wait)

· The company is full of idiots

· Loyalty and a good history

Check all, but you have to use a combo. Just pretend you’re making a meal out of McDonald’s Dollar Menu (or any other value menu that still exists). Pick and choose as long as you’re satisfied.

Now you will face resistance. This is where patience-with-a-limit comes in. You have to give it 3 tries somewhat calmly. PPA is already ready because I’m so annoyed my tone shows it. But Step 5 = FORTITUDE with an ATTITUDE.

Step 6: Regurgitate this is crucial because the ppl that work for these companies don’t know what they’re protecting. Half of the time it makes no sense to THEM. They get paid no more or less based on helping you out, just don’t forget to sprinkle some “this isn’t personal it’s just the principal” comments if they aren’t complete buffoons. (For those use a few "fucks" and "shit" sparingly)

If the person is not aware of the egregious error they’ve made you ask to speak to their manager. Most next high underlings will transfer you. If this person IS the “manager” then you start to go HAM PPA style. Here are some of the greatest lines I can remember telling people over the phone (and I’m not lying about these because I have no reason to – trust they paid me though).

*Also note how some of the steps have come to play.

“Let me tell YOU something, I bailed YOU out with MY TAX MONEY. These asinine policies are ridiculous! If I had $10,000 in the bank you wouldn’t think to do this to me…”

--I hung up that phone call unresolved but when I looked in my account 30 mins later I had that overdraft refunded (I had already had 2 courtesy refunds ;-)

“You have these people in India with access to MY SOCIAL SECURITY and then when they ask me some fraud questions that I ANSWER correctly MY account gets locked?! I couldn’t even UNDERSTAND what the guy was saying! This is why identity theft is so rampant…where do you get these damn questions from and why do they have that on a DIFFERENT CONTINENT?! I mean dealing with the language barrier AND these dumb questions, I’m not waiting 30 days to TRY AGAIN. So I’ll wait while you generate a new set of questions”

--They gave me another fraud test “even though we don’t normally do this” and my account was restored the next day…had to call corporate a few times to get her on the phone but it got taken care of.

“You guys fail to understand that when YOUR errors inconvenience me and demand time away from my day, my place of business, and my bank account YOU have to pay. Today. It took you no time to make that mistake. This is America, YOU pay for those, not me.”

“It is a RE-CE-SSION. I could do YOUR job in my sleep. There are countless people who would love to take your spot since getting simple information correct seems to be such a complex process.”

Now I’ve gone in on a few people and I like to throw in that it’s not personal because I don’t know them. But I do know my money, my time, and my work ethic and these people are not messing with those things. It takes me approximately 6.5 hours to make $25 (I kid you not VISTAs live at the poverty line).

I’ve become a pro at this but I’d like to think God is preparing me for the people who think that once I become wealthy they can steal my identity, or run off with my royalties, or whatever successes coming my way.

I just can’t afford to be a lay down bitch for NOBODY. More importantly – you ALWAYS have to stay UP on what’s yours because someone is ALWAYS trying to get OVER.

Hopefully you’ve all learned how to throw some pepper into these stale ass situations…Because everyone knows money is too hard to come by to just have to throw it away to these lames who have billions of it. These stale situations have stopped presenting themselves for me lately but I guess the universe knows - unless you want to dance with Project Pepper Anne I suggest you find the next lay down. Not me. Not today.

“…No one goes harder than Pepper Anne!”